SeRenDiPity!

My Tryst with Doordarshan

2010-11-23T18:38:00.000+03:00

It all began with my previous employer. We were doing a promotional show on Podhigai (The Tamil Doordharshan) and she insisted that I be the anchor. Thanks to our office chores we entered the studio ten minutes before the slotted live telecast. It was a live call in show, which had the Anna University vice chancellor as the chief guest and viewers could call and ask queries. They made me sit on the anchors table, hurriedly plugged earphones into my head, fixed a mike and said “There are three cameras, keep watching the camera man for a signal on when to see which camera. Don’t move as you will upset the mike chord. You’ll get instructions through your earphones from the control room on when the commercial breaks are, and when a viewer calls. You won’t hear the telephone ring, so keep listening to the earphones”. Wow! I thought. All I had to do was, pay attention to my ear phones, keep watching the camera man and keep spontaneousl y interacting with the guest of the show. So much for multi tasking.

The camera man’s fingers said 3, 2 and 1, and there I was on TV. “Vanakkam Neyargale”. It wasn’t as difficult as it sounded and I managed a fairly good show. The producer came running after that show and said “We’ve never had an anchor who has done so well without training, you did a fabulous live show”. Knowing DD’s standards, I wasn’t too pleased with this comment, but this is how my anchoring stint began. Soon I was called in for a plethora of live shows involving useless celebrities who have acted in one movie, in one serial and in single scenes in movies. The only person worth mentioning being Srilekha Parthasarthy, the playback singer.

The make- up woman usually mixes 2 kgs of white powder and smears it on my face. Thankfully, the best thing about live shows is that you don’t have to see yourself on TV. Until a fateful day when I had a recorded show. I eagerly sat in front of the tv to see myself on TV. Yuck!! For the next show I refused to co-operate with the make up woman. She had one single reply for all my protests “I am doing justice for what they pay me. I know my work. Your work is to show your face to me.” So I decided to shut up. But things kept getting worse.

Signals from the control room got scantier with every passing show. During one commercial break, I was happily stretching and sipping water and gazing vaguely at the that preview TV. I was suddenly shocked to see myself sipping water on TV. I quickly reconciled to the fact that the break was over, cursed the guy in the control room who hadn’t informed me about it and continued the show as though nothing happened. I came back home to hear “Oh god the commercial break break mishap, were you day dreaming haha”

A wardrobe sponsor would have been an incentive, but you have to carry your own costume all the time. It is quite frustrating when the camera man stands in front of you and keeps yawning loudly during a live show! It is all the more frustrating when you can hear all the politics happening in the control room through the ear phones while you are trying to concentrate and host a live show! But it is the worst when no viewer calls and you have a ‘celebrity’ sitting next to you. I have to keep pretending most of the times that there was a call and the line got cut. Until my relatives rose to the occasion. It is impossible not to laugh when you know it’s your brother on the line and he says “ I am Veerapandian calling from Trichy” and it’s your mom when she calls and says “ Neenga nalla anchor pandreenga , naan unga fan. Im Sheela from Tirunelveli” And I have other uncles and aunts who call and give some pseudo name and ask some pseudo questions to the ‘celebrities’ like “Sirrr, i’m so glad I got the line, its soooo difficult, I called up to ask which is your favourite colour”

Two years in Bombay didn’t stop the producer , I used to get a call once a month “It is impossible to find a girl who speaks good Tamil. When are you coming? Even if you come for one day, we’ll arrange for shootings”

And here I am for one month. The producer said “It’s the 10 pm show. Highest TRP rating. Even the CM watches the show” and what is the show ? 4 black and white songs and 1 host to anchor it. And one Cavincare advertisement in between. Talk about highest TRP rating!

I refused to memorise the script for that show, made a teleprompter out of my cute little 600 gms VAIO laptop and they couldn’t find a stool to hold my laptop beneath the camera. They kept it to the right side of the camera. The producer was very happy that I finished a whole week’s shooting in one hour (Duh, i’ve arranged for a teleprompter, what do you expect) I saw the preview and was aghast! It was evident that I was not facing the camera. But the over elated producer said “appdiye camera pakkara madhiri iruku!!”

I saw myself on TV and was shocked, annoyed, irritated, upset and angry! I was looking elsewhere, kind of looked like I had some squint, I looked 40 years older thanks to the layers of white paint. My relatives called me up and said “What has happened to you, has Bombay made you look old” I had to visit all of them to prove I do look 24.
And I come on facebook and see Kanag’s scrap. And I get a friend request from a long lost school classmate saying he saw me on TV.Who ever thought even your classmates see Podhigai?? The end. No more Podhigai shows!!

GD/PIexperience at IIM shillong

2008-04-16T17:33:00.003+03:00

GD:
Topic: case study, this manager guy has a supplier who has been delivering high quality goods at low cost, the supplier cant afford the rates anymore and the supplier requests the managet to accept his hiked cost or else he has to shut down his company. The manager has been asked to cut down costs from his companys side too and supplier decision is made based on lowest bid, so if price is hiked it goes to sum other supplier.. now what shuld manager do??

PI:Panel Members Intro: tthree snr proffs from IIM A..
Questions: (P refers to panel, m refers to me. )
P:you are from Chennai, why have you come all the way to shillong for your interview??
m:so that i could take a look at the campus , find out more about shillong
P: (cutting me short) : so you dont trust us?? you want to come all the way to see for yourself. m: its always best to know evrything before taking a decision
p: will you live with your husband before marriage?
m: ???? i beg ur pardon sir...
P : will you live with your husband before marriage??
m: ( what crap!! i didnt know how to react lol! ) My culture doesnt permit me to do so sir.
p: So isnt this like that??
m: not really sir, before getting married, we look at the grooms photo
p: (laughing) you had the campus photo on the website
m: and then we talk to the groom and the people around him and find out about his character, whereas in this case there were no previous batches to talk to...
p: you have pagalguy
m: in this case, there is not much info there too sir
p: ( all were laughing) so after coming what did you find out about shillong
m: Its a beautiful place to live in sir and all the msiconceptions are not really true
p: what are the conceptions and what are the misconception about north east?
m: Its quite surprising how little i know about the north east so i may not be in a position to list out all the conceptions but i can say that nature is at its unravished best, unhintered by man (blah blah) misconceptions- there are a lot about how its not a safe place to live in owing to the terrorism..
p: name the 8 states in the eastm I named 6, they themselves named the other 2 , damn i 4got sikkim and tripura, just that moment it slips out)
p: Now you are the interviewer, I am the student, what are the last 3 questions you will ask me?m: Do you have other IIm calls, then wuld u take up shillong, Why mba and How far do u think an mba at shillong wuld be beneficial
p: now answer those ( looked at other 2 and laughed)
m: err.. i have no other iim calls..
p: other institutes??
m: i got through IMT and SPJain
p: Got through? are the results out?
m: yes sir, IMt a week before and SPJain just yesterday.
p: ok why IIm s then?
m: IIm brand blah blah
p: ok next questionm by this time i had even 4gotten what the other 2 questions were) err.. mba..because.. (all the rhetoric about theory, practicality, faculty experience, peer group blah blah)
p: ok you spoke about ethics in the GD, how can you when u are not ethical yourself
m(realised this was meant to be stress, so i wasnt stressed, smiled and went on) Im sorry sir, to my knowledge my conduct has always been ethical
p: no you didnt follow the instructions i gave for the GD. Repeat the instructions i gave.
m: to my knowledge i did so sir. anyhow, ( i repeated everything)
P : so i said first 5 minutes you can look at the case study, then you are supposed to discuss, but you kept looking at the case study then and there ( a stern look)
m: (smiling) sir there was no instruction saying we shouldnt look at the case study during the discussion, by all means what i did wasnt wrong.
p: ( nodded brightly in acknowldegment, i went very happy at this instant) show me your certificate file (they pointed at newspaper cliipings with picture of my dance, write up was in tamil and telugu so they asked me what it was, was talking about my national award and they probed a bit into what award, by whom etc)
you studied Maths right?
m: for cat, yes sir
P: ha ha . im sure you even studied in BE. y= ax sqr + bx+ c. Plot this.
m: i dont have a pencil (they gave me) I guess its a parabola sir, ( blank look from them so after a few seconds i said i couldnt)
p: you gave up cts, why?
m: blah blah on better work ex
p: what do u do in your current job as relationship manager?
m: blah blah: you were a BE, this has no relevance, so u wasted 4 years??
m: not really, BE i studied is outdated, it is just a platform to enhance logical and application skills, as in doing BE is tougher than finishing an arts degree, it gave me a perspective, developed my ability to think and apply . Besides im not from IIT to regret that i wasted govts money.
p ( nodded in agreement, i was happy again) who is ur role model?
m: biocon ceo - kiran majumdar sha
p: she didnt have an mba, why dont u be like her?
m: some thing i said about a spark and ambition blah blah
p: you're from Tamilnadu, who do u support AMMa or ANNA??
m: i would rather take a non political stand here sir.
p: ( laughed )
m: they both have their pros and cons which should be weighed
p: what are the cons of amma??
m: she tends to be quite audacious and impulsive, she could be more graceful while accusing her opponents
p: tell me, i never understand u tamils, year after year you again vote for these pppl, the whole country looks in awe
m: that is something even i dont understand sir
p (laughed) always taking the safer stand huh?
m: well actually i voted for lok paritran sir.
p: ok thankyou you may leave
m: thankyou sirs.
p: one minute, even for the GD, you went out to bring your pen, even now to draw the graph you borrowed the pencil is this some style of yours, not carrying pens??i'll note it against you.
m: smiled helplessly .
OTHER DETAILS:
I met the placement head, a very nice lady ( didnt ask her name). She was placement incharge for IIM A all along, now she and her husband, a prof, have been put inc harge of IIMs . they came on Jan 28 and have been living there ever since. she kept talking to all of us during out inetrview wait and i got some info from her.
# 12 faculty from IIM A have been transferred to shillong. 12 faculty for 60 students.
#the campus is actually the summer palace of Orissa king, been borrowed temporarily.
#the ppl of shillong are all very neat, decent, well behaved and speak english
#She kept saying shillong is an excellent place to live
# she arranged a security to show me around the place. Here arethe snaps.
# Since she has numerous placement contacts, she said getting us placed would be no prob at all. however i asked her why L, I, K was still not doing well as A, B ,C, she said thats why we're doing everything on our parts to ensure that shillong takes off well, and stressed that student co-operations is also very important for this
# she said she usually moves well with srudents, finds out their strenghts and weakness and places them accordingly, in a job which suits them and a job which theyll bound to enjoy.
# the whole campus is already WIFI enabled
# Furnishing is yet to be done, she said itll be done in a month or so
# the site for the new permanent campus is 200 acres and it is 15km away from central shillong. currently, the campus is very much in the central part. she said, if needed, it can be built in 8 months, as in the case of IIM A, but she said, it may take 2- 3 years too.
# she said it gets very cold in Dec, so she is thinking of starting the course a little ahead so that she can give a week off in Dec. Besides she pointed out that since ppl from south will also be taking up, one or 2 days holidays like other IIMs will not be sufficient to travel from shillong, she was planning on giving us a week off in dec.
# she asked us to be prepared for the worst as it will be terribly terribly hectic. 20 hours of study per day.
# she finally told my mother "send your daughter here, ill take good care of her" lol

CATCH -22 at College!

2008-02-10T10:56:00.000+03:00

It was one of those days when we realised we had gottten to college by mistake and we realised we had to get out of it in order to preserve our sanity.(There were just too many days like that, this day was special bcoz ALL of us felt that together) We had made the best plans for a perfect movie and an eat out- which is again not easy ,but it was a special day and so we reached a consensus.Braving the hot sun despite the fact that it deprives us of our 'complexions' we sprightly walked up to the entrance (The walk to the entrance takes about 23 minutes, count the heat too to get a feel) only to discover that the gate was closed. GATE CLOSED?? AT SSN?? Walking out of SSN gates was never a big deal at all!We were perplexed. After the initial few moments of astonishment,we realised it was a hard fact and we had to face it- the gates are closed. We all burst into a rage of fury and disappointment before our inherent management skills made us realise soon enough that the situation, though diffficult as it may seem, just has to be managed. So we framed our plans.
plan #1- Sweet talk the watchman. We tried. But it failed.Maybe he had a bitter married life
plan #2- Seduce the watchman, but that failed too as, come on, no one wanted to seduce the WATCHMAN....
plan #3- Bribe the watchman.. again a failure because we could not decide the right amount.
plan #4- A group of MBA students had their HOD's sign on an 'out' pass. We begged them to add our names. They were filthy people and said there wasnt enough space in the paper to fit in all our names.
We then aborted all other plans and jumped right into action. "Hey watchman, what should we do to make you open the gate?". The prick said "get ur HOD's sign in an outpass".
"Thats all?? Give me a pen and I could give his sign rite now".. Ouch.. Someone had stepped on my foot.. We had to go back to the department .. luckily an auto came by and Dana, Gaja and I went to the dept..and asked everyone from the librarian to Leo sir. No one knew what an outpass was. We realised the catch -22 of the whole situation, u needed an outpass to leave, and no one could give u an outpass. Incredible!
Determined as we were, we walked upto the admin block..told the principal's p.a.that our friend had an accident and four of us had to go out to see her. We filled in the names as Priya, Preethi, Vaishnavi, Kalyani and got the princi's sign...We jubilantly took the auto to the entrance and squeezed in 5 more names-Selvi, Thamizachi, Rasathi, Rukmini and Jyothika... We alloted names to everybody just in case the watchman got suspicious..We tried to sound natural with the names and called each other with the pseudonyms.. Although it was messed up a bit as Dana forgot her name and Abhidha and Dana responded in unison when I called out for"Rasathi"! The watchman didn't get suspicious, although he did raise his eyebrows at 'Jyothika'..We took the same auto to Kelambakkam (the nearest abode of humanity to our college)... and who should we find there , SS dash. (for those who do not know- he handles power electronics.. err.. I think thats the name of the subject!) SS Dash smoking away happily. He instanty dropped it at our sight and got lost in the crowds...I definitely miss college!!!

The "mix-up" Mis-Adventure!

2008-02-08T21:26:00.000+03:00

"If you're that bored, why don't you come with me to the insti, you can pick a few movies from the LAN, and I could write it for you" said Deepak.
The IIT LAN!!! Store house of whatever you want. Name it, you get it.
"Quite a tempting offer indeed, yes let's leave".
Only as I crossed GC, did the question dawn upon me, "Err, how can I possibly enter your hostel?" Deepak instantly said "Oh girls are always inside. Infact they recently caught a girl who was living in a guy's room for 3 months. They were joint drug addicts. The guy used to smuggle food for her and the girl used to smuggle drugs for him"
"Ohh...Shady story, what happened then?"
"Then, the hostel rules changed a bit. Only IIT girls can enter the hostel"
"What?? Deepak, do you possibly realise that I'm not an IITian?"
"oh, didn't I tell you? You are Ajanta Naik, room no 236, Sharavati"
"What crap? change of identity? no way, what if I get into trouble?"
"how can you get into trouble? I'm the one who studies here and even I don't care."
Somehow I wasn't convinced. If I remember right, I had a feeling as though I had swallowed Bertie Botts Vomit Flavoured Beans. My intimidation grew to its crescendo as I saw the six foot watchman with the guests' entry register. I picked up the pen and I stood there for what I think was an eternity wondering what to write. Deepak snatched the pen and quickly filled my name. My real name.No questions asked. I struggled to keep up with his pace as he climbed the stairs. "Are you crazy, you wrote my name".
" Nothing matters here".
As I reached the first floor, a greater realisation dawned upon me. I'm inside a boys hostel. Yuck! Why the hell is it that I never think through an issue?? What if the other people inside think I'm a "three-month-staying-drug-addict"? Or worse, what if one of those unassuming guys, who think about nothing else than their grades, simply walk outside their rooms, not expecting a girl?? Just concentrate on the LAN and everything should be fine, breathe deeply, cool it!
No guys on the corridor.Phew. The door had a neat article stuck on it- titled "why Mangal Singh likes the b****". It was about why Deepak likes his bike. A euphemistic title indeed. I didn't even bother to check out the lan,I quickly borrowed a few of his Cds- (Man who copied, Devil's advocate and Match point were the best!Not to mention "what women want"!) and fled the place. The whole deal didn't take more than 7 minutes. 6.22 to 6.29 pm!
A few weeks later, when he fell sick, I visited him . It wasn't all that intimidating this time. I cooly signed by name in the register.
Not long afterwards, Me and Deepak were delivering a guest lecture at Birla Planetarium. It was a joint lecture on Time Travelling (thanks to the LAN). As we plugged my lap top in, it simply refused to connect with the lcd. We spoke to the director of the planetarium, (Mr.Iyamperumal- A very very nice,humble,sensible, interesting and young person- was hard to believe he worked for the govt). He agreed to have the nanotechnology lecture before ours. We instantly rushed to the insti to get Deepak's lap top. As he parked his bike outside the hostel, we were engrossed in discussing how late we would be for our lecture that we didn't notice a security guard calling for us. Deepak signed my name in the guest register. The guard came running to me and said "ID card". What?? Deepak instantly replied something about me having left my card in my hostel. The guard instantly looked at me and asked me my name. I stood rooted to the spot thinking hard on what I'm supposed to reply.
"Ajanta Naik, room no 236, sharavati" Deepak said.
He had written Charanya in the register. I felt so foolish. And stupid. And sheepish. And embarassed. And pissed.I was confused too.It was difficult feeling so much at the same time. While I was busy trying hard to focus on one feeling , Deepak instantly ran upstairs to get the lap top. Meanwhile the guard dialled the intercom to sharavati. He was talking in hindi and I wished for once that I had paid attention in my lower language class. Deepak re-appeared in a jiffy with his lap top and the guard caught hold of him "room 236 has no Ajanta". Deepak cooly said "ok" and walked to his bike. What was I supposed to do? The guard started questioning him vehemently. Deepak showed his ID. The guard took down some details and they had a long conversation in Hindi. Not again. I just understood the last part. The security said something about complaining to the Dean, and Deepak graciously accepted saying that he can complain whatever, whenever- Except that he had to leave urgently and the dean can always wait. As we left the campus I screamed "You had written my name in the register. What crap. What if I get into trouble.. And for all this, the room no was wrong" . Deepak only said "The guard can't read English. By the way, I just remembered. 236 is Shanu's room. 246 is Ajanta's room. Sorry about the mix up......"

Rantings about Reviews

2008-02-04T21:35:00.000+03:00

Intellectual apprehensions are seldom lauded. Forget apprehensions. Even works.What is there in one which makes one look beyond the obvious reality and dare to fathom the untredded paths? Whether it is a spark which originates in the enigma of their intertwined neurons or that which is plagiarised from an unidentified work, can never be realised.
But the stark reality which makes one groan at times is that people with pre- estabilished dominance, even if they do the latter, are always looked up with a sense of awe. On a larger scale, any publisher or reviewer who intends to push up a mediocre author is simply required to put up a pretence, a rare review, and the world will follow. Take Nissim Ezekiel for instance. His "For Kalpana" and "Night of the scorpion" would always be described by me as an insult to the literary world. "Fountainhead" is quite an over rated book too. I do like Jane Austen, yes, but read one book of hers and the rest will follow suit.
On the other hand, certain serious intellectual works are lost primarily because they lack a commendable influence.
There is also another case. Certain authors have the ignominous ability of writing with so much of undesired panache that they intended meaning is seldom conveyed. But again, they're met with applause simply because people interpret- misinterpret- re-interpret and so on to such an extent that nobody ever knows who actually understood the piece- including the author of course. This attribute of a mystery shrouding the work makes it invincible. Not that i'm talking about Monalisa.
But I guess that is how the world functions- universal appreciation is the best known recognition. This happens mostly by playing to the tune of the masses rather than standing raised on a platform of intellectual arrogance. Somehow, I still dont understand Objectivism or Howard Roark.

ODE TO MY TULIP

2007-08-04T21:14:00.000+03:00

I wander alone thro the mighty hills,
breaking silence of the stills,
shaking boughs of humble trees
the gentle feeling fails to cease

In a small garden besides a town,
a tulip stood in a purple gown,
among a tuft of greenish grass,
with a royal crown of golden brass.

She swiftly nods her slender head
whenever her path I tread
with a gleaming smile she welcomes me
For what I was and what i'll be

Everyday to the garden I went,
spreading her fragrance and her scent,
with a heart as pure as a dove,
with the tulip, I fell in love

"Shall we dance" once I said,
Sprightly she did nod her head
In the moonlight we pusued the art
For a romantic waltz of our heart

I slowly kissed her violet cheek
This pleasant moment I did seek
Her violet head for a seconds few,
Seemed to morph to a pinkish hue.

Slowly, autumn went and winter came,
And a mighty storm I became,
who can stand against the will of time,
we're but actors who act and mime.

I took the form of a turbulent storm,
not having a heart, only thoughts of harm,
To my loved tulip I sang the dirge,
with a force that unsurpassed a surge.

Now I'm back to a gentle breeze,
But the hurt of heart will never ease,
for, my loved tulip, I couldn't save,
with a lonely song, I visit her grave.
- A Solitary Breeze

The Best Proposal Poetry Ever!

2007-02-10T11:46:00.000+03:00

This piece of poetry was written during one intelligent controllers class. While most of us were playing hollywood or knots and crosses on the table, just one gal listened on. We thought she did so because she was in love with the proff. So we (Me, Gaja and amirtha of course) wanted to encourage her in that endeavor and wrote the poem as though the proff would have written it for her. The best part was - we didn't strike or re-write or think for a long time-the flow simply came!

If I am the door, u're the knob
Without u I would sob
If I am the fan u're the blade.
I will give u a ring of jade
If i'm the headache u're the aspirin
U're as hot as actress sherin
If I'm neural, u're fuzzy
U're beautiful looks make me dizzy
If I'm sheldon, u're sidney
For u i'd give my heart, lungs and kidney
If I'm vadivel, u are mokka
I'll wait for u till u go bokka
So before I die please say yes
With this letter I enclose a kiss!!!!

We actually took a print out of this, and left it on her table the next day. It took us 3 long hours to convince the poor girl that the boys weren't playing a prank on her!

Poor Pluto!!

2006-10-04T06:52:00.000+03:00

Poor Pluto!!

Just last night I went to bed with a lingering feeling of satisfaction that everything around me was happening fine- my clock was ticking right, my bills were paid, the moon was shining bright in the reflected light, the earth was revolving on track, and so were the other planets.
I was appalled the next morning when the paper woke me up with the startling headlines- PLUTO IS NOT A PLANET. How could this be done?? The bluish shades of the planet set against the opulent black silhouette punctuated by those shimmering star clusters escalated me to my never grow land- a place where the sophisticated rockets can barely touch.
Ever since I was three- I loved the planet- I shared a sense of oneness with it- we both were tiny- and we both were last (yeah, in class, I was). And who wouldn’t love the Disney character Pluto?
As a matter of fact, I passed my science paper in 6th standard because of the question “which planet is the farthest from the sun?” my answer was Pluto. Now that my answer is wrong, does it mean I still haven’t passed my 6th standard?? Then how could I have passed my 10th or 12th?? How on earth can I get my B.E degree now??
Pluto fitted onomatopoeically into being a planet. It offered a comfortable alliteration when one said ‘pluto- the planet’. The loss of an alliteration to the literary world is actually meagre when compared to the damage it has done to astrology- all along the staunch believers thought that 9 planets controlled their lives (instead of themselves).they’d be deeply depressed now that 8 planets have to do the enormous task of controlling life at earth, quite a bit of work pressure if you’d ask me.
How would you feel if after all these years if someone who has been observing you through a telescope millions of light years away suddenly comes up to you and says “hey Mr, our extensive reports reveal that you are not human”. It was 70 years for poor Pluto. Loss of identity is certainly not easy to digest.
Some people are actually quite relieved that there are only 8 planets now- because they feel the primary school students have only 8 names to memorise . Maybe it isn’t as easy as that. Now text books need to have an additional paragraph on how there were 9 planets and how Pluto was suddenly pulled out of its post because of such and such a discovery by such an such a scientist.
So much for the transcience of life-even a planet which was once a planet is no more a planet! What are we but miniscule humans in this ever pervading universe which is expanding even as I’m transforming my thoughts into words right now. Although, it is ironical that it is only because of humans that a planet has lost its status today. Guess from now on, My Very Educated Mother Just Showed Me Nine. Doesn’t make much sense does it? Just as much sense as pulling away the post from my poor Pluto!

About Knittins and Mittens and Kittens

2006-04-28T10:52:00.000+03:00

I had succesfully entered my 11th standard with a triumphant feeling that education would come to an end in another 2 years. My years of studying in a disciplinary girls school moulded me into this 'i don't know anything but studies' kind of girl. But this school was different- it wasn't a co-ed school, but it was a co-ed school (disclaimer- this blog has no connection with s.j. surya or whomsoever).It was a co-ed school bcoz boys and gals were admitted, but it wasn't a co-ed school because they got to have seperate class rooms. It was a co-ed school because we got to stand in the same assembly, walk down a common narrow fleet of stairs, and share classrooms for language classes, but it wasn't a co-ed school because girls and boys shouldn't talk talk to each other (even if the guy sitting at the next table happened to step on your feet, u had no rights to tell him 'take ur foot off mine')
The feeling was strange- boys walking along the corridor- it wasn't a sight I had usually come across till then. Not that it struck me to take a second look at them. I was only worried if they would be looking at me. (yeah, I wasn't so cool then, so wat??)
Two months into the school and it was time for the only time we ever got to speak of 'enjoyment'. We call it the culturals time.We had seperate venues for boys and girls, but atleast the inaugral was together and that was a matter which was discussed with critical importance till the d day. Another reason for excitement was that the 'appointments' (thats how we called all the captains and vice captains, it was easy for the staff to say "u're all big disappointments")were allowed to interact with boys and girls irrespective of what they themselves were -regarding matters which concerned culturals and culturals only. We made sure that everything under the sun was of cultural significance.
Sanghamitra.It finally did arrive.We gals were beautifully clad in sarees (atleast we thought) and boys- as usual - pant and shirt. Why am i telling u all this?? Let me just move on with the story.
That is when I saw this guy compering for the inaugral. It was NOT a magical moment. In fact it waqs the opposite of it. I thought he was the dumbest guy the world has ever produced.He couldn't smile one bit, he had an expression as tho his teeth would fall off any moment and he was trying to prevent it from falling.The crowd wasn't listening to him. He was simply staring at a piece of paper and was reading out all he could make out from it. Wat a worst way to begin the culturals I thot.
At the end of the second day we had the valedictory ceremony. I groaned. That would mean seeing the morose guy on stage again. Thats when kp ma'm came up to me and said "will you read out the list of prize winners and relieve Nitin of a little bit of work". So Nitin is that sad guy's name. huh! "Of course ma'm. That way i'll teach him how to smile". Obviously only my first three words were audible because he was standing along with her. It was his time to groan now. "Its ok ma'm. I think I can manage it myself". She was a very sweet teacher- "No Nitin. I'm afraid you can't . Take her help. She has a sweet voice". So I have a sweet voice! haha!! I have a sweet voice! He couldn't protest any further. It had to be me and him. I was trying to supress this little twinge of satisfaction on seeing him being snubbed.
We had a lot of work to do, I had to arrange,re arrange and keep sorting the list I had to read. A lot of stress was involved. I was tired when I came running back stage to keep up with time. I had to speak into the mike in another ten minutes and I was sweating. Damn- I had left my make up kit in my handbag and I left my hand bag in class.. I didnt even have a hanky in my hand. The only other person there was him. I had no other option. "Do you have a handkerchief". I know it was silly asking an unknown guy if I could borrow his hanky to wipe the sweat of my face- but I had no other option. "I dont know" he said.
"could I borrow ur hanky"- "I dont know"- this was probably the worst conversation two people could have ever had right since the mesozoic era.I bet Mrs. Malaprop and Mr.Spooner would have had a better conversation.
I used my sari pallu cursing myself for not having done that in the first place. After the zombie guy said he'll pass on the mike to me, I went ahead and finished my work with pride. Although I didnt know if I had to say thirrrd or thirrd or third. I did get a feedbak saying I tried rolling my rrs and put up a false accent. But i didnt care. It was my first time compering off handedly - and I certainly did a better job than that senior guy.
A week had passed. It was usual assembly time.The so very usual time when we listen to students taking turns (out of compulsion) speaking on punctuality and how a stitch in time saves nine and exam preparation. But today was a little unusual for 2 reasons. It was nitin's turn. It wasn't unusual because of that. It was unusual because :one-he spoke on "the i dont know theory" and two- he did an awesome job.
When he climbed onto the dias I decided to shut my ears and eyes and temporarily transport myself to some remote island. But then I inadvertently made a slight attempt to listen. i started listening and I couldn't help but listen..not just listen- but thoroughly enjoy and loose myself in it. He recited this beautiful rhyme which has a perfect combination of rythm, nonsense and fun.. and covered everything from the big bang to our small school. That was the first time the whole assembly laughed- more important- the first time he laughed. Now this was the magical moment. The magical moment when I saw the glitter in his eyes and the dimple in his cheeks. I so lost myself!
What happened next is quite predictable- I didnt listen in class- it wasn't worth listening after my ears heard something as good as that.. lesser mortals- all these proffessor people. Thats when I remembered- the only phrase Nitin has ever spoken to me- 'I dont know'. And a week later he goes on stage and blazes away with this awesome speech on 'the theory of I dont know'. So that wasn't a stupid conversation at all!! That was the ultimate conversation!!
I thought over it and made the decision 'yes, I have a crush on him!' (hey if u happen to be Nitin's girlfriend-do remember that this whole blog is in past tense!)
I was new to the theme of having crushes- so I didnt exactly know what to do when you had crushes. As phase #1- I told that to everyone in my class. I thot the girls would think i'm cool. well, I dont think they thought that way.
A tour was arranged for the whole school (our whole school just had 11th and 12th). The seniors weren't happy because they had to put up with the juniors whom they thought as kids and the juniors weren't happy because they had to put up with the seniors whom they thought as stupids. Looked like I was the only happy mortal in the whole school..
Day one and two of the tour- I didnt even spot the guy. Day 3- my bus was waiting in the signal in a busy street of Mysore when another bus halted parallely.I looked out of my window. Guess who was seated in the window of bus two which was next to me??? I screamed out 'oh my God' and quickly got up from that place because i was too shy to even virtually sit next to him!(I told u I was new to the concept).And started dancing about the place 'that's Nitin, the guy next to my window, that's Nitin that's Nitin'. Dharneeja was sitting next to me and she peeped out to take a look. Unfortunately bus 2 had moved a bit by then and she saw someone else. She was shocked. "I can't believe u have a crush on that guy".I thought she was a loser and she thought I was one. T he speech, the bus incident-everything seemedtoo good to be true. Just like in the movies.
But then I had this major doubt- what if he studies better than me and thinks himself to be too great because of that? so I started studying like I never before had done. My results were outstanding in the half yearly exam!
Thats when my english teacher called me and asked me " So do you really like Nitin?". If she had rather said 'I'm an alien from a second galaxy"- I would have reacted better. Wat am I supposed to say??
"Not quite, but almost" I said.
"Vendaam Charanya. He's not that good a guy. I'll find u 'the guy' when it is required. You do deserve someone better." That was really strange because I thot he was her favourite student.
'Come on ma'm. This is just a passing phase. I'm sure I wouldn't remember him two months from now". That made her feel better.
Then came the study hols for the seniors and I didn't quite see him that often (not that I did earlier either) .It was farewell day- the last time I ever get to see him. well, it didn't feel sentimental or anything, but it simply struck me it would be the last day. I was compering and was in a dance too. It went on pretty smooth considering the fact that it was farewell in our school. It was then the seniors' turn to entertain us, and who should get on to stage but him.. He took the mike and I thot it was gonna be one of his speeches again. Instead he began singing. "kadavul padhi mirugam padhi kalandhu seidha kalavai naan". That was one song which went into my eternal favourites list, not for the original composition, but because he sang it!
He made it into anna university- something I thought he was never capable of.
He came back to help us out with our sanghamithra. 'Who ever asked for his help' I thought. We used to stay back all evenings working for it and he used to be there. I made a conscious effort to avoid him . Things happen when u least expect them to. 'So will you be compering this time too?" he asked suddenly. My brain stopped working and I froze, I said something which was neither english nor tamil nor any language ever known to exist. It sounded remotelylike 'jobblywobblyweed'. I think he took the hint because he walked away. I just wished a crocodile would appear out of nowhere and swallow me alive.. I spent the whole evening sitting in front of the mirror talking to myself, wishing I could fly back in time and say "Who else but me. I certainly would do a better job than you" or "yes, I'm compering , why do u ask?" or atleast "yes". I firmly resolved that it would never happen again. The next day we were discussing about what to put in the invitation. Instead of simply putting 'boys events' and 'girls events' we simply wanted to make it more creative. I really couldn't think of anything creative. I tried hard and all I could get was barbie and ken or worse- daphnie and shaggy. Nitin said ' I have decided to go with 'archie'. I sprightly replied 'cool. I just thought of veronica". Of course I didn't.
but those were six succesful words I had spoken to him! What an improvement!
sanghamitra went on well again- especially my event ship wreck was a huge hit because I managed to bring two totally cool judges. More so because Nitin was seated in front of a comp and he kept pepping up the event by putting up totally hillarious comments then and there on the display screen.
I finished my 12th and we had this big get together, where we promised we were gonna make it bigger every year. So quite predictably it never happened after that. Almost after a year I saw Nitin in the get together. We had to fill in our addresses in a form and I got the sheet after he filled it (pure pure co-incidence) and I was surprised to see his address-
Daffodils,
Bajania koil street,
Choolaimedu.
That place was just two streets away from my house... that was the street where my parents lived immediately after they got married. This was really like in the movies- with an exception- I had lost my interest by then.
Two slow months had gone past since I joined college. We had this symposium then- and I wasn't concerned because I was a fresher and wasn't expected to be concerned. The bus journey as usual was long and winding (just like this essay, so?). I got down at college when I heard a voice call out "Charanya". oh no.. oh no.. this voice is familiar.. I hope it isn't -
"Nitin. hi"
"So you're in this college is it?" he asked. Of course not, I was bored and I thought I'd take a stroll here. What does he expect? He is indirectly pointing out the fact that he's at Anna University and i'm just in 'this college'.
"yes. doing eee".
"Thats great" . He is sarcastic. If only I had got my medical seat...
There was this uncomfortable pause. He broke the silence "Hey could you come to the canteen during lunch. I have something important to tell you". oh no oh no... I didnt even know what to say. I blankly nodded my head and ran to my class.
Classroom- a group of girls sitting around me because I was all perplexed.
"So this is a guy u like 2 years before and now he wants to meet you at the canteen? If I were u I would have jumped into the opportunity. Just say yes if he proposes" said a nut head.
"No, it isn't gonna work that way. Probably he'll ask me to mind my business"
"Then mind your business" said the nut head.
"I am already doing that unlike you,you nut head". Nut head walked away.
I decided I shouldn't go even near the canteen that day even if it meant I had to starve to death..who wants to listen to sermons delivered in the canteen by a guy who assumes i still carry on my childhood crushes!??
I was walking to the computer lab when he walked across. I ran and hid myself in the nearest possible classroom. I fervently prayed he shouldn't see me. I felt stupid and helpless. I took another bus home that evening. and I was relieved- I succesfully managed not meeting him! That day I prayed I should never never meet him in life again!
The probability of me meeting him again was e raised to the power of minus thirty six. But alas.. The world is small!! And prayers are seldom answered!
Sometime next week i'd be going to place, sit on his terrace , eat kurkure and pepsi and admire the aerial view of choolaimedu!

Note- if u're still wondering what the title has to do with this- knittins is his e-mail id. kittens and mittens because i thought his mail id sounds like a cross breed between both.

GOD ONLY KNOWS!!

2005-10-16T03:22:00.000+03:00

Even before I could hardly utter the word 'ma', I was told stories about God, the savior, the life giver, omnipresent,the most powerful, eternal and so on.. I was taught slokas and mantras and my parents proudly made me recite those in front of people who bothered to step into our house. "If you dont eat now, God will punish you" said patti, "If you dont sleep now, God will punish you" thatha said.. "Of course, God is everywhere, waiting to punish me or reward me" I thought.

In the first grade, Aime told me Jesus created the world. It was so confusing, I remembered patti saying Vishnu created the world .For this patti only said "Vishnu created Jesus too. Too bad those people don't know". Maybe Vishnu and Jesus are friends, they must have done it together -I thought and walked away.
It took a few years before I first thought -if God created everything, who created God?? What was there before the universe existed??For the first question, I was told God would punish me if I talk too much (not again!) and for the second question i was told 'empty space'. "But even that was created by God", I complained - my mom walked away pretending as though she didn't hear me. I tried thinking, but then it was far too much for my little brain, I decided to sleep instead.
A year later, there emerged this big hype about pillayar drinking paal.. take a spoonful of milk in front of a pillayar statue, the milk disappeared..my mom said he was drinking milk because he was angry with the state of affairs on earth. Out of an elemental curiosity, I took a spoon ful of milk to a pillayar photo, nothing happened to the milk. Mom said I had done too much of paavam, so god refused to take my offering. i got scared..Next day my friend told me God was living only in statues and not in photo frames.That pacified me a little..
But again, when I was jobless, I started thinking.
"Mom, why doesn't God help the poor and the diseased?"
"Because they had done too much of paavam in their previous birth"
"Why did he let thatha die"
"Because thatha was too good, God wanted to keep thatha for himself"
I was vaguely convinced.
The more I learnt science, the more I started thinking, I couldn't help but question the presence of God. But for every science hour in school, we had a moral instruction hour, where we were told "Idol worship is not necessary. God lives in our hearts. He is like the atmosphere, you can't see it, but can't you feel its presence?"
We had a small debate in class, I spoke 'for' and 'against' the topic ('against' because I had loads to argue, and 'for' because I was scared - if God really existed, he would punish me for speaking against him)
One science hour- "the earth was created from an explosion called the big bang.................."
So it wasn't God after all! Mom listened for sometime and said "It was only because of God that bigbang happened. He made it all happpen".
I heard stories about God appearing before people if they meditated -concentrating on God. I tried doing it, I had succesfully meditated for 2 minutes, but by then scooby doo had started...
I tried another day, I was frustrated after 10 minutes of meditation.. God never appeared.
My studies were facing a downfall in my 8th grade, (21st rank in class!). My neighbour suggested "why don't you break a coconut for pillyar". Desperate for a way out, I closed my eyes and concentrated "Dear God, please make me come within the top 5 ranks this time " I laughed at my own prayer.
The half yearly results were out, I had done just as ever, expected i would have got the 15th rank maybe, but I was in for a shock when the report card arrived.
third rank ??? I went running to the nearest temple and thanked the lord for his gracious blessings. So he does exist and he could hear me!!!
After that the addiction began "Dear God, I didnt finish my home work..." and the teacher forgets to ask for it; "Dear God, I didn't bring my book today..", the teacher never comes to class; "Dear God, make Vivek look at me today..", and he turns and smiles!! All this was accompanied by lighting camphor or breaking a coconut in his alter that evening.
Of course, there were a few prayers which weren't answered--I only thought "God knows what is best for me, he doesn't want me to get that"
I slowly lost the fear I had for God- he loves me, I'm his child, he wouldn't harm me.
After that even though I spontaneously got doubts about God, I made a strong attempt to suppress it.. God is great, I'm a pathetic human being and I seem to be thinking against him after all that he has given me..
Tenth standard -the first day of that crucial year, I went to the temple "Dear God, please make me get 471 in my boards".I have no idea why I wanted that score, maybe because my neighbour had got 469..
Throughout that year, I kept praying and studying. And guess what, the board results came out, I almost died of heart attack-my total was 471!!!
I decided I'll stop asking favours because I felt I was troubling God too much..He might get fed up when I really want something..
Just as expected, I was studying to the fullest, but everyone was doing too well, that I had a tough time keeping up my rank..I never won any competition I participated in..
12th standard-time to trouble God again-"I want a state rank and a medical seat and.. never mind, give me this first". I was so confident i'll get it, I was doing well in school, and God was with me, he always gave me what I wanted.
I was in for a shock when the results came out, not like the previous shocks, this was different, I hadn't got the state rank, worse, I had got a very normal score, there was nothing great about it. I was in tears and screamed "To hell with God". Mom said God planned to give me a medical seat, that is why he denied a good score. But then, my medical cut off was just on the border, I may get it, I may not get it-the probability was equal.
I remembered a dialogue Rajinikanth said in one of his movies-"nallavanai andavan sodhippan, ana kai vida mattan'.. i fervently kept praying, god would help me out. But I was again in for a rude shock, I missed my medical seat by a narrow margin. My whole life seemed pointless, every bit of hope was spoilt.. I HATE GOD. He is a saddist, taking pleasure in my pain, took my pooja and offerings all along and refused to help me.
I hated coming to ssn, not that I had another choice.But life changed after I came here, I really liked my class a lot (ahem, 1st sem). I did well in unit tests( I thot i'll fail, I hated enginering). I again started thanking God .Maybe if I had become a doctor, life would have been miserable, that is why he gave me what is best for me. One of my close friends, Harish is an athiest, we used to have long discussions, each one trying to convince the other.
Slowly, life took a turn, life was miserable in my 3rd sem, marks were pathetic in my 4th sem..
why waste time begging god when he can't help me anymore??
I decided i'm an Athiest.. My rational thinking and frustration overpowered my faith and beliefs(and was all the more influenced by Harsha). As Salmam Rushdie says in Midnight's Children -"..unable to worship a God in whose existence he could not wholly disbelieve": awesome lines!!)My mom was aghast and she didn't like my decision (I didn't tell her, but she sort of found it out, like she always does). I mechanically used to pray occasionally to make her feel better.
But I did enjoy lighting kuthuvillaku, kumkum,arranging golu etc. I found an alternative purpose in those other than reaching God. Villaku instills a nice ambience in the room and golu is a time when people can meet amidst their busy schedule.
I had to dance in praise of the lord, and I had to bring out an expression -an awestruck feeling of wonder on looking at God. My dance teacher said only people who love God can bring the expression from the bottom of their heart, and how the Japanese had a tough time doing this because they don't understand the richness of our divine establishments.I could express that feeling inspite of being an athiest.
The more I started moving away from God, the less I cared about life.. I was almost becoming an aimless creature with no desire other than to have fun. i woke up to this alarming truth one day. After a few hours of contemplation, I made a conclusion- God's existence is a different question. But man does need a platform called religion, to simply help him uphold his morality and keep him going the right way.When you pray to God, you simply focus on your aspirations and reflect upon your life. This helps you on the long run, to channelize your thoughts in the right way. So what if God doesn't exist, if you think you're actions are always being watched, you're bound to do the right things.
Mythology is fun, traditons and cultures are greater fun- who doesn't like diwali time? Who wouldn't like the fragrance of flowers and agarbathis on entering a temple? Who wouldn't enjoy the mystic smoke which emerges somewhere from behind the idol, imparting a divine aura? Who wouldn't enjoy the peace and tranquility you get on entering a temple?
God is nothing but ones own heart and the nature aroung you...have faith in that and you can achieve wonders.
Again, yesterday I entered the power electronics lab, thinking I've studied well and I'm bound to achieve wonders. I went in and got minus ten for my wrong graph, the circuit seemed so not familiar, I was fumbling with the connections, and stood there helpless. I'll fail if I can't even give the connections. I burnt a wire as I accidently shorted it. I was tensed and was almost in tears, when I spontaneously closed my eyes and said "Dear God, make me pass today, i'll break a coconut". After 5 minutes, the attender came to me and helped me with the connections, I managed to blabber something for the viva questions. I was the last one to complete, and took my paper to the teacher, hoping I should pass. She asked me to total the paper, I counted again and again, I couldn't believe it.. I had got 97..I came out wondering-"So God does exist and he can hear me..." After a long time, I went to the temple yest evening, and broke a coconut......